Community and Bullying

Since we are in the season of Christmas and so many other holidays, I thought I would take a minute to reflect on community. I love how during the holidays people tend to perk up a bit, laugh more. There are parties and celebrations of all kinds and it seems that we come together for the most part. One of my favorite Christmas stories, especially now that my children love it, is How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss. The moral of the story is so pertinent to me what with the Grinch discovering the true meaning of Christmas (being together) and that it does not involve gifts. Even more poignant is the idea the book portrays about community. The Who's stand strong as one united front against this overwhelming bully, the Grinch. As a result of this act of unity, no one seems to be bothered in Whoville when they awake Christmas morning and each of them have been robbed clean of food, decorations, and (gasp!) presents! They join hands and sing and celebrate anyway, knowing that the most important thing they have was not taken away--each other.

We don't do community like they used to or like they do in so many other countries. We ship our kids off here and there and boot them off to college or out of the house when they turn 18 and hope they don't return to inhabit our basements. We separate ourselves from one another by living with spaces sometimes several acres wide in between our houses (with no real purpose for that open land) or put up fences to keep people and animals away.  Don't get me wrong, I understand there are wonderful people out there who will lend a hand when needed or volunteer as a career or when they have time. Community gardens have sprung up all over the place, which I believe is a step in the right direction for cooperative living. However, overall, I believe we are modeling to our children, and oftentimes outright saying, that we don't need anyone but ourselves.

Competition between adults over whose kid is the best athlete, best artist, has the best grades, the prettiest/cutest, etc, is mind blowing to me. We all are guilty of this type of bashing in one way, shape or form. We do it  subtly and obviously and not too many people seem ashamed of the behavior. Is it a wonder that bullying is such a big problem in schools currently? John Dewey had the right idea when shaping the Laboratory School at the University of Chicago when he determined that children need to learn in communities in order to discover how to behave socially, depend on one another to survive, and how to connect with one another. When we are so separate, then it is truly every man for himself. When you don't depend on each other for survival then we are in direct competition with one another. Humans like to be in community with one another. It's natural for us. But since we are driven by selfishness and competition, and let's not forget fear of those who might be different than we are, then we become so focused on appearances, skills or lack thereof, and other things that don't really matter. Instead of figuring out where everyone can fit in, we immediately start ousting those who clearly aren't the same.

It is no wonder that when our extremely impressionable youth walk into a school building, they immediately start judging and competing in unhealthy ways. They pick on one another to no end. They hide behind social media outlets, texting, and other forms of technology to ruin each other's lives. Sound dramatic? You walk into any school, any level, and listen for a day, and tell me I am being dramatic then. We are starting to blame teachers and schools for not doing enough to stop bullying, but I contend it's the fault of the village--and PARENTS!

If you agree that hearing how children are killing themselves, running away, or becoming helplessly depressed over being bullied so heinously for any number of reasons ranging from how he/she looks, to dealing with the fact that he/she is gay, to dating someone of another race, to not being in the right socioeconomic class, each and every day of their lives is a travesty, then please think about your actions and the opinions you express around children. We all are guilty of bullying to some extent regardless of how big or small. Most of us have been bullied for one reason or another. Think about this over the holidays and how you, as a member of a much larger community, can help. Can you give time to mentor a young person? Can you work to establish a community garden or other cooperative neighborhood program? Can you volunteer to watch the neighbor's dog over the break? Can you develop a neighborhood cleanup initiative? Imagine if we all did our part to service our communities in an effort to grow closer together. What an impact that would have on our younger generations. If we all depended on one another and were less selfish, wouldn't it be easier to see the value in our neighbors versus the things we don't think we like about them? I challenge you to think about this and think about how our children's lives could be so different if they had more examples of kindness, love and community around them. I am willing to bet, we would see this bullying epidemic fade away. Allow your heart grow three sizes and be a positive influence against bullying this coming year!